Update from 2020: This is a story kept for memory purposes. Judd and I took a break in 2015, and began dating again – we have moved in together, started a business together, plan to have kids together, and are basically life partners. The following is from when we broke up briefly.

Odd to put this on my blog list without a story over at Taste it Twice, but I’m realizing it’s been over a month and I should mention this somewhere, since I keep referring to it occasionally, and if I wait much longer it’ll look like I’m lingering on something, while my life moves on.

Judd and I decided to end our relationship in the beginning of February (2015). After two and a half years, we decided we would be happier pursuing our goals in life separately at this time.

We each prepared public statements which we released on February 5th, I’m copying & pasting them below. I’ll link to the original posts as well.  This way I have one place I can link people to when they want to know what happened.

My statement:

Judd and I have broken up. I can’t explain how much those words cause me both tremendous relief and quiet mourning. Last night we talked for hours. We addressed our problems, we set aside our desires to “save” what we have and were just honest, intimate and kind to one another. The conclusion of our talk is mutual: There is so much love and respect between us, but we choose to no longer be together. This is not unexpected by either of us. This is not a blindside, but an agreed upon reality with much consideration.

The last two and a half years have been some of the most incredible of my life, thanks in large part to Judd. For welcoming me into his life and letting me into his heart, an honor I know is rare and speaks to how important I’ve been to him. We have our differences, but it isn’t just one that causes us tension or strife. We have our compatibilities, and they kept us together far longer than either of us expected.

For all the ways that I know I have been easy to love for him, I also have a tendency to be tremendously difficult as well. This is a personality trait we both appear to share, and it makes me laugh to know we can both own that so honestly to one another.

Judd is and will remain one of my dearest friends. He has been beyond amazing to me. I truly cannot be happier for the way this is ending, and for the incredible experiences we’ve had together. I regret none of it, and I think we’ve both left each other better than we found us. One way or another, we’re still close, there is no animosity or ill-will, and I think we both want to make sure our friends, our communities and everyone who has known us as a unit understands that we are comfortable and happy with this separation. He will always be in my heart, and I expect him to always be in my life in some way.

I understand if anyone else is sad for us. There are moments I am sad too. But the joy that comes from this honesty, this freedom, this relief – it is also so powerful. I will forever be grateful and happy for how Judd has impacted my life. I look forward to all the other ways we will continue to be there for one another.

With love, Avens


His statement:

Avens and I just broke up. We talked for hours last night, and we both agree about this. This is not bitter at all, in fact we couldn’t be on better terms. My tension with her is now suddenly completely gone. If there’s anyone who’s been an asshole here, it’s definitely me. Avens has been incredible to me, and I have been difficult for a long time. We were a great team in many ways. And in other ways we are very different and not always compatible. This is tough for me.

There is an abundance of mutual respect and admiration for each other, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon, if ever. So we’re cool. Avens made a ton of friends through me, and the last thing I want to see is her feeling abandoned right now, because people might think it’s weird to include her if I’m involved. I’m very happy she’s made so many high quality friends from my crew. And I would like this to be as easy for her as it possibly can. I still feel a bit protective, and I hope people will be there for her when I’m unable to.

I’m not leaving her for someone else. There is no other girl in my life at all right now, and I think I might keep it that way for a little bit. There’s so much I want to do, and I’ll need to focus if I’m going to succeed.

I truly hope I’ve been a positive thing in her life, and I hope I continue to be. Avens was there for me during some impossibly hard times. She has always been supportive, and just exceptional in countless ways. Girls often want to grab something from a guy, and she succeeded in taking a piece of my heart that will always be missing without her. This spunky red head has had a real impact on me. One way or another I expect Avens to be a part of my life for many decades. She is just too high caliber to accept this any other way.

Avens is mega hot, mega cool, and mega smart. It might actually be amusing to see how many nerds will now rise to this challenge 🙂

Report from over a month past:

We are both fine, we are both happy, we have hung out socially without problems and everything is cool.

Now the story is in one place for me to reference easily, and mark for my own records.

With it, links to my articles about us: A Valentine, The Bear and the Bird, The Lucky Ones, and The State of the Avens.

Update: we began dating again casually later in 2015, and decided to get back together in 2016. As of February 2017, we are celebrating 5.5 years together, very happily, and I have shared that story with my friends on Facebook. I’m saving all these links here for my referential convenience.

Thank you.