Love <3

Facebook memories are filled with interesting reminders of the past.

On this day, 4 years ago, Judd and I decided to break up. We needed time apart, and we took it. I dated other people and focused on my creative endeavors, he focused on work, and we took time to realize both how we could grow separately and yet how wonderful an addition we could still be to each other’s lives.

We didn’t announce when we’d gotten back together. We didn’t mention how long we’d casually been seeing each other again – because we wanted to give the relationship time to grow again without eyes on it.

And grow it did.

By the time the 2 year anniversary of our breakup rolled around, we were solidly back together, and it became obvious to those around us. We traveled internationally several times that year, visited my family, had an unwanted pregnancy and terminated it, and found ourselves even closer than we had been before. Knowing what it’s like to be without each other made us even more in love.

Now I write this from my new home — inside his house. Another thing I didn’t formally announce, our next chapter, living and working together in the same space. Each having our own place within the house to work and sleep so we don’t step on each other’s toes – we both cherish our alone time and independence. But here I am. They say home is where your heart is, and for many years my heart was torn between here with my lover and wherever the birds lived with me. Now it’s all together, and it’s all one. I’ve been here over a month (today is actually 1 month since I got everything totally moved into the room!), and it’s working wonderfully so far.

I always say I love FB memories because even when the memory is sad, they remind me how far I’ve come. In this case, it’s a wonderful anniversary of sorts, to know how we came together to peacefully break apart, to reread these loving words of mutual respect and admiration when we decided to end it, and to know that us being together now is a deliberate act of love, and of a mutual commitment to our future, and the unit that is us.

Four years ago I knew it was possible to let go of the man I loved. I didn’t know this was what was in store for us. This life together is of our making, and I’m tremendously proud of us for what we’re making.

I’m very much in love, and I’m tremendously happy, and I thank you all for bearing witness to this experience. Today I reread a bunch of the comments from the original posts that day, and so many people were so loving and sweet, and so many people had faith we’d be back. It was adorable. I cried happy tears rereading it all.

Happy breakiversary, my bear. Every time this rolls around, I feel even more grateful for you. It’s been a wild six and a half years together (and apart and back together), and I look forward to so much more of this. 

Your birdie. 

(Here’s our one year anniversary post I made that I always love to reflect on at the same time)

 

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